A non-traditional Super Bowl Post Mortem. Or a reminder for the peanut gallery.

Super Bowl Logo
Hey Asshole in the Peanut Gallery from last night’s #AdBowl,
According to your tweet, you really hated the spot for XXXX last night. That creative team really blew their shot on the big stage of the Super Bowl. Man, if you had a chance to wow the tens of millions watching at home, you sure wouldn’t have brought that weak sauce. Just imagine, if you were the copywriter who had been given that million-dollar production budget, what you could have done with it. Witty dialog, explosions, hysterical jokes and mega-tons of awesome.

First, you’d have had a smarter strategy, even if account service had have given you a crap brief, you wouldn’t be dumb enough to actually use it. Really, it’s embarrassing what a fucking genius you are. Not only do have a supreme understanding of advertising strategy, your clients bow to it. Shit, anyone’s clients would bow cause your sales skills are freaking hypnotic. Just last week you sold a completely re-imagined landing page strategy. It’s time someone sold through that kind of second-order thinking for a Super Bowl spot.

Not that it could have happened, but if you’d been strangled with a Mickey Mouse brief like they must have been given for that beer ad, you could have pulled something better than that multi-million-dollar polished turd you watched last night during the second quarter. You’ve done it a million times – some moron in account services hands you a nonsense strategy, you ignore it and you write fucking Gold Lion worthy e-mail copy. Imagine what you will do when someone lets you write a TV spot.

The creative process is not for sissies. Like the ones who wimped out with the weak executions you had to suffer through last night. No, if the powers that be had just let you spend the year working on all the Super Bowl spots, everyone in American would still be blown away by the creative firepower. Holy fuck, it may even take them a week to recover from the sheer audacity of the work. It would have been like watching a six-hour Alfonso Cuarón film with the volume turned up to eleven, no fuck eleven, twelve! Eleven is for pansies.

And another thing, clients are no excuse for weak work like that steaming pile you had to watch in the 3rd quarter. No, not even when there’s five million dollars of the client’s money on the line. You know better. If it has to be explained to them what a bunch of morons they are, you are just the man for the job. Like last year when you sent that e-mail to the client to tell them you, in fact, you were not going to make the logo bigger (on the vertical execution of the banner ad for the 1/2 off offer on Wednesdays). Yeah, you had to apologize for the rude language after your boss was forwarded the email, but the jag off would have backed down if it hadn’t been for that sniveling, ass-kisser AE.

And who was the jag off who just had to put the worthless celebrity in the spot, you ask? Sure, when you get a big project, there are a lot of cooks in the kitchen. Like when you had that assignment for the grocery store, seemed like everyone on the third floor between Rick’s cube and Mary’s wanted to have their say in which colors to use on the circular. But you told them to listen to the GD art director and they backed the fuck down. People listen to you because everyone knows you’ve spent six months working in the creative department of the best agency in New York’s lower east side, according to the jr. art director in the cube next to yours. Shit, you guys won a Davey award just last year. Next year, the boss has promised to enter your kick-ass take-over banner in the local Addy’s. It’s got a good chance of going to nationals.

It’s really too fucking bad the ad business isn’t a meritocracy. You say, there had to be better ideas than the anemic, sickly creative for that painfully dumb car spot last night. Break out the defibrillator, that thing was dead on arrival. If only the best possible work (like something you could have come up with in your sleep) were on screen, there would be a lot fewer #TruthBombs needed. It’s a fact, too many creative directors have their heads up their asses. They need to get the fuck out of the way and let talented young creatives like you produce the work you are capable of producing. Maybe creative directors should be crowd sourced you say? Clients could do one of those Twitter polls where everyone gets to vote and not just the guys with the corner offices and the dumbass clients. Here’s to hoping you get your shot to make next years Ad Bowl a better viewing experience for us all. We need your talents.

Posted on: February 5, 2018, by :